The Myth of the Myth of Elves

Okay, everyone knows that Elves are mythical creatures from German folklore, right?

Nah, that's a myth. That's right, the myth of Elves, is itself a myth, because there really are creatures that the myth is based on, even though most folks don't believe they ever existed. Are there still Elves? What are they really? Where do they come?

Well, they're short, beautiful creatures, male and female, and they appear humanoid in shape, just like in the "fairy tales." Except Elves are really galaxy-traveling traders. Earth has a rich history of Intergalactic stop-overs, and Elves have come and gone more often than the other types of Milky Way inhabitants.

Now, I know what 11.3% of you are thinking right now... and no, you can't get hooked up with them, because Elf Ink has an exclusive contract with the Elf Guild for Earth sales (except for one loophole, that I'm not going to tell you about, except perhaps when Elf Ink gets ready to do an IPO).

So, I'm the Chief Elf of Elf Ink... does that mean I'm claiming extra-terrestrial origin? Nah, it's just an honorary title given to me by the Elves that supply our designs and products. Oh, and CafePress? That's just a cover, of course, devised by the same folks who manage Area 51 and other facilities you know nothing about. CafePress does exist, and they really do allow folks such as yourself to post designs, and they print the items that get shipped from their office. But the special supply of ink used to print Elf Ink designs are only used on Elf Ink products.

Which leads me to this Notice: Elf Ink guarantees that all Elf Ink products have radiation levels well within tolerance for everyday wear by humans, as long as you are on or near the surface of the Earth. In the event you turn green and become very short while wearing our gear, we'll gladly refund one tenth of two percent of the shipping charges you paid, pro-rated for usage, with no adjustments for inflation. If you wear our items outside the suppressive magnetic flux of Earth, then these warranties do not apply.

2 comments:

Chief Scientist said...

You made a blog just to talk about t-shirts you sell on your blog!!

You're going to be a gazillionaire, my friend.

John said...

Yeah!

Let's see, one gazillion divided by an average of two dollars gross profit per t-shirt, divided by one t-shirt every two days, times... hey, this could take longer than a week! I thought this was get-rich-quick?! I may have to wait a whole month...